"What Chaps My Hide..."

1.  Periodic recertification.   This is the turkey that just won't die.  Every few years, a movement pops up to introduce the notion of yearly recertification courses:  no recertification, no diving.  Period. It's done to promote safety, right?  Yeah, right.  It's done to promote revenue.  I never hear the words "free recertification" mentioned. When I first  read about this in a major dive magazine,  probably 15 years ago,  there was an interesting response to the editor.  The writer made the telling point that if the regulation were to be passed, Jacques Cousteau wouldn't be able to dive in the U.S. --because he wouldn't be qualified.  Face it:  there's only so much you can learn in a pool or classroom.  Once you'recertified, the best way to maintain your dive skills is to dive.  Jeez, what a concept.

2.  It's for your safety.   This is a really slimy sales technique.  Imagine trying to buy an overpriced smoke detector.  When you bring up the cost objection, the salesman counters with:   "But can you afford not to buy one?   The safety of your family concerns you, doesn't it?"  Good sales technique, but really slimy. If you don't buy the overpriced item, you're guilty of putting your family's life at risk. If you do buy it, you've overpaid.  I've seen the same technique used to sell scuba equipment to both novice and advanced divers.  A case in point:

Years ago, I wanted to buy a second, backup regulator from a local dive shop.  I decided on a Sherwood Brut --a  rugged, simple, no-frills regulator.  Since it was only about a $100, the salesman's first impulse was to push me into a much more expensive regulator right away.   Having worked  in sales before, I understand the technique of  "selling up to sell down."   It's a common practice and I understand its purpose.  Dive shops need to make money.  If they don't, they go out of business. But if they don't want to sell the items in the display case, don't display them.  It's that simple. Don't tell me my life is in jeopardy if  I don't buy a $400 regulator. If you think I'm exaggerating, here's how the rest of the sale went:

After unsuccessfully trying to sway me into high-end regulator several times, the salesman grudgingly directed my attention to the middle-tier regulator (again, he's following the "guide-to-effective-sales" rulebook perfectly). The selling feature of this regulator was that it was "arctic tested" and "would not freeze up in cold water."  What?  You mean my old regulator could freeze up? My god!  --I've been diving all these years without realizing that my regulator could go into cardiac arrest at any second!  But you know what?  When it comes to cold-water diving,  my genitals and I have long since come to an agreement:  we don't like it.  It does terrible things to my snorkel., so I leave such frigid pleasures to polar bears and fur seals. And you know what else?  I can't remember the last time I saw an iceberg floating down the Santa Barbara coast.  So in spite of his warning, I purchased the regulator I originally came in to buy.  I didn't mind his sales technique so much as the intimation that an inexpensive regulator should come with a blank coroner's report. 

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