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Welcome
to SLAPSHOTS. If today's job pressures have you
stressed, and you'd rather be laughing than listening to your
boss, you'll enjoy SLAPSHOTS: it's my irreverent
poke at the world. Originally it was a site for scuba
divers to hang out, decompress and relax. Now it's for
everyone (though I've got a special section just for divers
called the decompression bar.) SLAPSHOTS is open 24
hours a day. Like the author, the lights are on but
nobody's home.
So
regardless if you're a diver or not, just belly up to the bar
and decompress yourself with a serving of humor,
funny articles, quotable quotes and Darwin Awards. "What
are the Darwin Awards?"
you ask. It's a tribute to those people who self-sacrificingly
reduce crowding in the shallow end of the gene people by
killing themselves in creatively moronic ways. It's a
hoot, and it's definitely not politically correct. Did I
say "killing themselves?" Sorry, I meant
exhibiting advanced cognitive dysfunction leading to
life-force impairment. My apologies.
Deep
Thoughts:
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Never settle with words what you can accomplish with a flame
thrower. |
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Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
Then, when you do |
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criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes. |
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I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without
hate. And I can |
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picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect
it. |
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to
forget it once. |
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When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was
call the police. |
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But then I got curious about it. I picked it up,
and started wondering who this |
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person was, and why he had deer horns. |
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Eagles may soar free and proud, but weasels never get sucked
into jet engines. |
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If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born
that way. |
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The
Psychiatric Hotline:
"Hello,
welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline..."
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If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
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If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
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If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and
6.
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If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what
you want. Just
stay on the line so we can trace the call.
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If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice
will tell you which
number to press.
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| Darwin
Awards |
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| True
Headlines |
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| Jokes |
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Work
Humor
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For
Divers
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Actual
Resumes |
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