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Actual
resume blunders as reported by Fortune:
•
"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive
experience"
•
"I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat
progroms"
•
"Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave"
•
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions"
•
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades"
•
"It's best for employers that I not work with people"
•
"I was working for my mom until she decided to
move"
•
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try
stock brokerage"
•
"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing
investments"
•
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so
far"
•
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
store"
•
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as
"job-hopping". I have never
quit a job"
•
"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees
get to work by
8:45 every morning. Could not work
under those conditions"
•
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three
previous
employers"
•
"Finished eighth in my class of ten"
Actual
British Military Officer Fitness Reports:
• His
men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
• This
officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely
won't-be.
• When
she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
foot
was previously in there.
• He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his
entire satisfaction.
• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from
port to port,
and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
• Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started
to dig.
• She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.
• He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.
• This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the
better.
• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap.
• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. |
