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Welcome to the Deco Bar, the section of SLAPSHOTS that is for those
looking for diving- related
nonsense.
It's my irreverent poke at
the dive industry. If you're looking for more SCUBA nonsense,
just click on the links above.
Tips
on SCUBA Equipment
Maintenance:
BUOYANCY COMPENSATORS:
Tip 1: If your BC has been in storage during
the winter, examine it carefully for nesting
rodents
Tip 2: Prior to the first dive, remove
any nesting rodents
Tip 3: Never drill holes in your BC to
improve venting
Tip 4: Be suspicious of any BC that comes
with a foot pump
Tip 5: Never use your BC as a wine skin
Maintenance:
Rinse in freshwater
and hang upside down to dry. Removing the diver first facilitates this procedure.
WEIGHTBELTS:
Tip 1: Never substitute wood for lead to save
money
Tip 2: Never buy a weightbelt whose quick
release comes with a combination lock
Tip 3: Avoid buying weights that boast:
"Uranium --it's heavier than lead!"
Tip 4: Total weight should not exceed that of
diver
Maintenance:
Minor blemishes
may be removed with a blowtorch. Removing the weight belt first will minimize
discomfort.
MASKS:
Tip 1: Be suspicious of a brand that
boasts: "As worn by astronauts"
Tip 2: The best masks are transparent.
Avoid masks of high-impact steel
Tip 3: Never buy a mask that carries the
warning label: "In case of emergency,
break glass"
Tip 4: Never buy a mask that advertises:
"Includes free caulking gun"
Maintenance: Rinse thoroughly
in freshwater. For best results, rinse after dive
SNORKELS:
Tip 1: Discontinue use below 33 feet
Tip 2: Never buy a snorkel with a mouthpiece at each end
Tip 3: Know which way is up. A simple rule of thumb: ping-pong
ball on top
Tip 4: Never substitute vise-grips for a snorkel keeper
Tip 5: Never replace the purge valve with a champagne cork
Tip 6: Never use a snorkel to mix cement
Maintenance:
Keep passageways free. Remove cork, cement or any other impediment
with a sharpened corkscrew
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